I am a poet.
And now, I know it.
To be other than I am, I will stop trying.
It is nothing but lying.
I am an artist, a painter, it is who I am.
I am not seeking another plan.
Although I seem to keep coming up with other ones.
I guess with all of that, I am not done.
I am vibrant and strong.
I really can sing a song.
I can sit, push, pull, and chin myself up all day long.
There is nothing about my body that is wrong.
I am awakened ... Truth often I can See.
I will not feel guilty if I know more than he.
I will reject any bad feelings offered to me
because everything seems easy for me.
I am abundant and wealthy.
It is I who hath made me.
I got here by being bold.
Although for a while, some bad ideas I was sold.
I enjoy the Earth, the Air, the Sun, the Sea.
They reflect my love back to me.
I am love, I have love for all.
I am the dove, it is part of my Call.
I am free to be me.
I have been set free ... by me.
I am one with the Universe, every woman, every man.
© 2018 - 2019 Victoria E Stevens
I don't like to admit it, of course.
But, I know that its true.
The male is a grounding force.
It is not easy without you.
You know we couldn't stay,
it has to be this way.
Knowing what one needs to do,
doesn't make it any easier to go through.
Balance always was a chore.
I always was doing more.
I am bringing that back on line,
one bit at a time.
I will work to maintain my Quest.
I guess for me there will be little rest.
The vision still is clear.
Don't worry about me, dear.
I know what I need to do.
I need to stay focused on what's true.
what brings me closer to where I want to go.
Only I can make it so.
Some things must be brought to light.
It is what is right.
What has been buried, smothered ...
must be uncovered.
Traumas must be healed
the split must be sealed.
It is not easy,
the path is inevitable.
Oh my, the work.
I feel like a jerk.
I have been, I can't deny.
Can't deny, either, the why.
Layers and layers peel away.
Really, it will be okay.
This I know,
although it doesn't feel like it is so.
Things get buried for a reason.
They can arise in their season.
In this, I am not alone.
There is nothing to atone.
We all have work to do.
I thought that I already had done so much, didn't you?
Fallen Into Shadow
This is a dark time.
What is suppressed, I will find.
I have been in the darkness before.
A few times ... even more.
It is different this time.
I am not leaving until harmony is sublime
between all of the parts that are mine.
The warrior spirit is required.
There is no time for being tired.
It is a journey into recesses deep,
to see things that I wanted to keep
I have found a lot, there is so much to See ...
Yes, there are parts easy to love that I have sown.
There are parts that I would rather disown.
But, it is my truth, what I need to know.
I know that it is so.
This is not a path for the weak.
One needs to be close to one's peak.
That is, unless one wants to wander here forever.
I do not, I have a strong tether.
I already have made great strides.
But, that is nothing about which to have pride.
It reflects how far I had to go, there was so much pain.
I had much of myself to regain.
And I have, I can See more.
I even can See more clearly things outside my door.
It was work, I am recharging, detoxing, letting go.
And, yes, I am going deeper below.
Here I go.
The Return, Part I
I finally have Returned from Shadow.
I will go back. For now, though ...
I have Seen
It started as a quick entry into a Shadow memory
just to See.
I sought a connection to a land from yore.
I have done this before.
Although lives from the past I have seen throughout space ...
never from this place.
But, I was prompted to try
by a memory of a wave over which I did fly.
Ah, I fly over the wave.
Ah, the wave washes over me.
Suddenly, I cannot see.
I cannot breathe.
Then, I remember, other waves from my past.
Not long did these last.
I forgot about the panic I felt when they kept crashing on me.
I forgot about the weeds that wrapped around me.
So, into these scary memories I dove.
For knowledge, I strove.
It was scary,
I was leery.
It got hard to breathe,
Then, I could see ... barely ...
as if through water …
The sun shines through the waves above me.
I strive to get closer, to breathe.
From below, someone grabs my leg, they will not let go.
Then, nowhere can I go.
It is that end, I know.
I decide to forgive.
It is something I can give
to him, to me.
It will help us both be.
Then, suddenly ...
It is a parallel space, in a way.
It can go down, in a different way.
I can choose which timeline
I find most fine.
So, I choose
one where I do not lose.
Poof! Back in the water I am.
Ah, this doesn't seem right, what was my plan?
Then, he lets go.
He does not want to risk me
to save he.
He has set me free.
Up I go,
to someone else I know.
I have chosen a timeline where I survive the first catastrophe.
If only that was the only one I would see.
Into another memory I was flown,
another trigger in this live I have sown.
Another man who pulled me to safety,
oh so long ago.
I had forgotten about this he.
But, he is part of what I need to Know.
He is another one from Before, but only in the timelines where I live.
He had a lot to give.
Not all of it was good.
I forgave him long ago, he is from an old hood.
But, I went ahead and did it again.
I have become a forgiving hen.
Poof! Again I go into another space.
There was another man,
after I made it to a different land.
This one was hard to See, although I kept trying.
By this time, I was wore out, I'll admit, I was crying.
The Shadow Speaks
The pace of this Journey is fast.
I am not sure how long it will last.
I have been at it for a while now.
It has not been all smiles somehow.
I would not go back.
I have gained the ability to hack
I was forcing, trying to go
to a particular place in Shadow.
Ha, again the Shadow laughs at me.
It is not up to the mental me.
My innerself is in control.
She knows exactly where, or when, to go.
It is time for a pause in the work of the inner child.
I have made major progress there, she's had many smiles.
I have encountered a trigger, although I tried not to See.
Ha. It was right in front of me.
I cannot deny it, and keep doing what I was doing, I know.
Into this new trigger, deeply, I must go.
I have begun remembering again, my dreams.
Suddenly, the meaning of them is clear, it seems.
I have known you Before,
from old times, of lore.
I instantly felt so comfortable
even though I was denying what I Know.
You look like the one from my Seeing whom I could barely make out
through the light behind you, through my tears, my doubt.
After the sea,
came the earth, and you and me.
There is something much deeper for me, though.
I don't think there is a you and me in the Now, it is so.
You are a trigger for what I need to do next, this I can See.
You remind me ...
Of how I grounded long, long before, after times tough.
There were years and years of deep Shadow work that was rough.
I can feel a new energy in me that has awakened, so thank you.
I have ancestry work to do.
I have fallen into Shadow.
It is alright though.
It is the only way through
to see what I knew
I am alone again.
It is not easy, for a new hen.
I feel new
because almost all I do
There are moments of clarity
when it is wonderful to be.
Then, there is the Darkness, and seeing what in there is True.
There's no positive way to say it, it makes me blue.
But, there is a way through.
This time will not last.
I feel the need for a fast.
I have moved through Shadow before.
I know what to do, its a fucking chore.
But, then, I can be more.
I was wrong about falling into Shadow.
Oh, I definitely have gone below.
But, I did not fall.
I strode boldly, following the call.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, the Darkness laughs at me.
So little could I See.
Yes, I have been here before.
But this is so much more.
I strode forward fearlessly, with sword and shield.
I did not know that I would have to yield
a part of myself, it has to go.
It no longer can be in control.
It is not my Truth, I know.
It only feels like me.
Now, I can See.
It simply was a protector, a Shield.
But, my fate, it sealed.
If I am to Be in this new land -
it requires that I drop the Shield.
It, I yield.
There is a new kind of fear.
It is creeping closer, my dear.
Don't worry about me.
It will be good, you will see.
I need to do this, to be free.
So, here I go
deeper into Shadow.
Within, I have found apparent dross.
It is not my loss.
It is my gold.
I have regained my bold.
I am in the flow
while in Shadow.
This is new,
but I know what to do.
I can see how one can get stuck
in the Shadow muck.
That was my first part,
I moved through the dark by opening my heart.
This journey is fast.
I am trying to make it last.
As I gain nuggets of gold,
it feels easy to mold
together parts of me
that for so long I did not See.
Even though it is a bit of a chore,
I dive back for more.
I can feel that this Shadow time will not last long.
Soon, I will be singing a new song.
But, I am not ready to stop, I am having too much fun.
That is a sure sign that with Shadow, I am almost done
© 2018 - 2019 Victoria E Stevens